You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
