If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
