I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
