Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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