Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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