Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
