U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
