I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
