so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
