And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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