I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Couch. On fire.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
