i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
