using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
