Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
