Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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