I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
