another moral hangover. fuck.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
