What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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