I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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