Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
well you can't waste a boner
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
