Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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