what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
