I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
