if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
