Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
