i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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