I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
