if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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