so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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