Me too!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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