Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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