i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Less talking, more tequila
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
