the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
