all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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