M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
