there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
