He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
