I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
