and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
