But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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