just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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