i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
