He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
