Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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