Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
