wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
