Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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