their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
