so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
