I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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