Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
