yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
